Letters to my Sister

A rollercoaster, They said, it was. Strapped in, no out, There was just no pause. The ups were bright, They were, for everyone. But when the downs came around, Out went all the fun. You listened to them, Thinking you’ll never be there. But soon you find yourself, Screaming, with hands up in the air. It moves so fast, Speedy turns that creep up from behind. Your head is upside down, How did you end up in this bind? Perhaps in that motion, You break a bone or heart or two. Locked in now, you heal yourself, This ride is a part of you. You keep on moving, With zeal, through all the strife. No option, but to ride along, This rollercoaster called life.

If you saw her you could tell, Sunshine was her color, She wore the sun well. Eyes so bright, pierced right through, With her around, You could never feel blue. Life was on her side. Her sunny smiles, Spread far and wide. A dose of happiness, unbound, With her near, Laughter was always around. So now on days uncomfortably mellow, I think of her, Sunshine and yellow. And even though, she isn’t near, As long as the sun shines, I know she is here.

She sat there with a box, Her treasure trove - His things. It had been a while, Deep down, she sighed, Oh, how reality stings. So much of him, she found, And realized, All was not lost. His radiant smile, now on her, A happy past, she wouldn’t change, At any cost. It was that old wedding photograph, Grainy, discolored, Just a paper - xerox copy. Brought back all her smiles, Her memories, Now a little choppy. I watched, as she lit up, Grandpa – Still her hope and light. Gone a long time, But still with her, In this piece of black and white.

I stay away, And wonder, how? Perhaps a new superpower, To live in the now. Unplanned plans, A change in direction. Once our path, Now separated, to perfection. Wasn’t meant to be, I agree, When life tells me, I told you so. Did it warn me before? Young and lost, I didn't know. Maybe it was that feeling, I still cant forget. Those days together, Not something I regret. I do believe, now, That time plays a role. I may have been lost, But I was always whole. You preferred you, You before me. Even when together, You and I, were never a “We”.

He saw her that morning, As the sun came along. On a cold winter’s day, She felt like a summer song. He knew right then, Somehow he was sure. She was the love of his life, There’s nothing he wanted more. Everyday for her, He’d wait. She’d come to the window, Never late. And finally, When their eyes met, She felt a connection, She couldn’t forget. Her radiant smile, Made his heart skip a beat. Their little romance, Had taken seed. From stealing glances, To holding hands. They were together, Making life plans. Never a visionary, But he saw this one through. Makes me believe, And maybe you will too. Perhaps true love does come along. You’ll know. If on a cold winter’s day, They feel like a summer song.

A beautiful composition, It is coming together. I sit here reeling in my thought, A pen in hand, a feeling, and a notebook bound in leather. In an ideal world, These would be so easy to find, Free of rules, Thoughts would flow in, Words wouldn’t just tease my mind, But I continue writing, There is so much to say. Hoping to find utopia, My world of perfect words, I am getting closer every day. The night continues breathing, And slowly, I start to see. My words at large - unbound, unrestricted. This little diary is my perfect world. No where else I'd rather be.

I wake up to a different world, Every day the story changes. Do I even remember it all? My interactions, All those exchanges. I retain enough to soothe my mind, Discussions with the stars at night. And when the sun hides the moon away, I have unanswered questions, Glaring at the morning light. Do I sleep peacefully, they ask? Chaos already churning inside my head. Uncertainty - forecast of the future, How can I rest in peace? When I know not what lies ahead. The world I leave behind each night, Is a stranger I will never see. How do I close my eyes in peace? If I don’t know when tomorrow comes, Will I remain me?

I held my heart, I held it tight. We met by chance, But it sure felt right. So many feelings, An emotional parade. Even when you went away, A part of you stayed. Sometimes, even now, your name, Makes my heart skip a beat. I tell it to slow down, But it goes on and on, on repeat. I am amazed how it still holds your rhyme, I wonder how it still makes me smile. I sit here thinking of you, I wish you would have stayed awhile. But alas, sometimes, you chance upon your story, Create memories, that are forever to last. Some miracles, some just a chance of luck, And some make your heart beat fast. All these senses, feelings and emotions, All these marvels that we see. This beautiful life that we live every day, If it isn’t serendipity, what else could it be?

It started quietly, Soon the rain made its way. Lightning and thunder, A perfect indoors day. They had warned me. These storms, if they stay. Slowly, very slowly, They weather us away. You and I, I thought, Had weathered many a storm. We were safe, we would make it through, We were different from the norm. But what I believed, And what your story really was. The truth of your lies, There was no remorse. You marched a different step, I walked a different line. You wanted to hold a hand, It was not mine. Once a rumor, Until it was true. Somewhere in between, I lost you.

It’s another day. They come and go. Both breathe heavy, But calm and slow. It’s been a difficult one, This day, even though so bright. The mind is looking left, While the heart beats right. Back and forth, A push and a pull. The mind wants to be empty, The heart wants to stay full. It tries to push the mind, To go beyond the edge The heart gets pulled along, And they’re both on the ledge. Side by side, scared, They hold hands as they fight. Who really wins? If one disappears into the night. A detriment to each other, These two pieces of art. So much animosity, Time to keep them apart. So we quarantine the heart. And we isolate the mind. No more battles inside. No more bodies to find. I now feel so empty. I now feel so blue. The mind starts to feel, The heart starts to reason through.

You and I, Walk side by side. Our story, Not unusual. But I am sure, We tried. To find answers, To a common question. Answers, Not so common To find. How did we get so far? Side by side, Yet far from the other. Reasons, That once made us stay. Same ones now, making us Cross that line. Losing patience, As we lose ourselves. One last hug, And we jump. Falling out of love, Is now our story. Another leap of faith.

Just one more step, You will be beyond bounds. The world will come alive, With its entourage of sounds. Sound of the birds, Who could so freely fly. You watched from the window, You were jealous...don’t lie. Envious of the winds, That took them higher each time. Sunshine, so bright and cozy, You could make words rhyme. Just one more step, The breeze teased your curious heart. Can’t live in your bubble forever, Someday you’ll have to start. So gathering courage, You left the known inside. This time they stopped to look at you. Behold world ~ she is outside.

Hidden with the shadows, Guardians of the night. Lost, weary, broken, Your darkness didn’t look right. I lifted you from the trenches, Still tethered to the past. I wonder what had happened, How long did the pain last? You didn’t flinch, You didn’t even try. Life had worn you down so much, Those eyes, they didn’t lie. I vowed to nurture you back, Your spirit intact, I know. I carried your weight all the way, You just needed to let go. You didn’t say anything, But I think you felt my heart. You didn’t give-up but had to go, Maybe that was the plan from the start. Thank you, I said, As you smiled, your goodbye. I felt so much lighter, I couldn’t understand why. I now sit here and think, What a journey it had been. I felt real, I felt alive, Is that how it feels to be seen? I now wonder if I had found you, Or if you had found me instead. Did you even need saving? Or you were here to save me instead.

Everyone is sleeping, I sit quiet inside. The words aren't flowing, As I look outside. The day had been gloomy, Laughter nowhere to be found. When came the night so beautiful, There was still no sound. Irony and metaphors, Is the life we live everyday. Staggering and stammering, We still find our way. I am still looking, As I lie wide awake. The words still dont flow, But a verse I will surely make. I close my eyes again, No expresssion on my face. Thoughts running through my mind, It isn’t slowing my pace. Time is running out, It will be morning soon. The stars will fade away, As I'm staring at the moon. Suddenly there's a stir, You are also awake. Tossing and turning didnt help, No dreams you could make. You look at me with questions, We sit together and gaze. Both in our worlds, Trying to clear out the haze.

We should be together, They thought. Separately, In their minds. Crossed in thoughts, Far away. Distances drowned, In their dreams tonight. How amazing was this power, That could create realities, Not real. Convincing, Releasing, Tethered forces of all their Inhibition. The potency of two dreams Together, Is as limitless as the world can be. When they wake up in their worlds, Apart. Will they remember, This synergy they are meant to be?

What goes around comes around, they said. A kind of boomerang To keep life in check. The good and the bad, All part of the game. Karma says, “Dont worry!” Only I know your name. So many players, You’ll see as you go. Untamed complexities, All striving to grow. Fascinated and racing, Against the wheels of time. Time with its own rules of keeping things in line. Perhaps what goes around, Goes on till it finds It’s rightful owner, Through the tests of time. It won’t follow, it won’t hide, Your fate, it will let you decide. It will come around, Your deed...your name. Welcome to Karma’s game.

Ever wonder as grown-ups, Where we would be. If we weren’t waiting, For the world to see. All that we bring All that we are All the reasons That make us a star. One among the millions That light up the night sky, Tiny, but strong enough To be wished upon (you can try). Wishes, we burn through life To make true. If only we believed Like little children do. No judgement, no doubt. No prejudice, no plight. They keep it simple, With all their light. Perhaps as we grow If we bring our inner child along. Adulthood may make us weak, Childhood will keep us strong. # NaPoWriMo   # AtoZChallenge

Lost inside a world, So many inside my mind. I search and search For a way back. They say there is one, I am supposed to find. So I wonder, Wander...far and wide. To corners Of this world of mine. I poke and nudge and prod away, Turning every stone On my way. Perhaps there is no purpose, Neither is there a way out. In my mind...I lose my mind, I can hear myself shout. And still...I reckon there is a path To where I need go. Once again...I get started It must go on...the show. I know not What it is that I seek. But a treasure it is, I’ve heard them speak. Perhaps...it is why I disappear Into my little world of words. Write myself a path, And so with purpose I roam. This world gives me identity The words...always bring me home. # NaPoWriMo   # AtoZChallenge

We fight them every day... Those demons inside... Battles of the heart... Debates of the mind. An avalanche of thoughts... Attacked the other day... Fear caused a fire...so fast... It swallowed everything in its way. Panic caused an alarm... Anxious smoke rose to the sky... A ceiling of darkness... Scared...I wanted to cry. A moment of silence... I gathered courage... And struck out fright... Doused all the fire... Finally...at peace for the night. Every day it happens... I fight those demons inside... No power to save the world... Does it still make me a hero if I fight battles just not the ones outside?

You wither away slowly Like the flowers he gave you... The bouquet... Remnant of a love... That blossomed into darkness. You keep trying... Your pain...so clear... Your smile...still hopeful... Like those leaves...wilted... Still holding on. You hide those emotions... Your eyes...not so discrete... The tears...little petals...falling... Pieces of your shattered heart. You gather yourself again... Your spirit unstained... A lesson learnt...the biggest reveal... Never doubt the generosity of a broken heart... Even in pieces…it still does let you feel.

She stood on the crossroads... Her way she had to choose... With everything already gone... She had nothing to lose... Absolute nostalgia and haze... Were fazing her move ahead... She knew she had to let go... A new life awaited her instead... The air was tempting again... As she stood there alone... Not much time had passed... But by years she had grown... Heavy hearted but feeling light... Her steps were finally free... Caged no more...no shackles... She could finally just "be"... The sun rising in the horizon... As she began a brand-new day... Footprints of her past... Now showing her the way... She began her journey... Faith in hand and fate on her side... Undreamed dreams... Freedom at her feet... She was no longer tied!!!

You feel too much... They said... That heart of yours... Forever heavy... With weight... Not yours to hold... You carry too much... They said... Those feet... Weighed down... By journeys… Not your own... You reveal too much… They said... Losing yourself... In questions... For answers… Not yours to find... Without empathy... Who would I be...she said… A body with a heart... That doesn’t beat... A sun that rises... But brings no light... A night that is dark... With no sleep in sight... Who would I be... If I didn’t feel... Who would I be... If I didn’t share... In a world that is already... in so much despair... How can it be too much to simply care?

Far away… A fragment of time… They walked the distance… Both footprints… Left behind… The touch of his hand… The warmth of her breath… A fond distant memory… A passage back in time… Their story of love… A sign of the heart… Him and her… Going back to the start… Need of the day… Away they stayed… Triumphant together… Distancing… So close…Six feet apart…

I watch her eyes… As she sighs into a smile… A lot hidden under that lonesome curve… As her world crumbles inside… I feel her scars… As the battles tear her down slowly… A fight within…coping… As she tries to stay afloat… I hear her heart… As she breathes a little deeper each day… Each breath…a struggle… Each breath…a win… As she rises back from the rubble of her life…

The sun caught her eyes… And shined all the way through… Her smile so real… The light had to be true… The water dazzled like a daydream… Beauty of colors…all hues of blue… She walked the sand barefoot… A feeling known…only to a few… The light played with her…some more… While the waves caught her off-guard… Who knew time could stand still… When your day was filled with stars.

I stare into the space… Blank and Empty… Like a mirror into my life… A canvas…yet to be painted… I scream into the void… Voiceless ambiguity…an echo… Like the thoughts in my mind… A clear picture…yet confusing… I touch the distant fog… Dark and Unclear… Like a future I know… Coming slow…but already there… I slip into the space… Am I really here? Or I am just words on a paper? Alive…yet with no life.

You go through certain moments in your life and almost instantly know that something…somewhere inside of you is never going to be the same. The mind registers it…and so does your body…and it rattles your entire being… It changes something so inherent in you that it defies your own definition of you… and you are not the same… You feel your own absence…but somehow you also know that you are not incomplete… You are furthest from who you were…but kind of exactly right where you need to be… You don’t see all the things happening as instantly, but you can sense the disintegration…the discoloration…the diffusion of yourself… You can see those newly built parts of you…while still sensing the parts that have been torn away… You don’t understand it…but here you are…all pieced together… That inexplicable feeling…that you feel…the same one that leaves you speechless but brings voice to the silent chaos in your mind…the same one that causes you to stumble but makes you step rig