Letters to my Sister

I keep my eyes open, No more sleep on my mind. The dream seems to be going astray, Can’t let it get out of sight. It likes to wander, The curious little soul. It likes the wonder, So many jewels in this world. It likes to run, And often it hides. At times I find it floating, In the crevices of my mind. I can feel it shivering, I know it gets scared. I can feel it’s tears, It also does get sad. My dream is a little sensitive, The poor little soul. Much to explore, Many people to please. And while all it wants, Is to fly away and flee. I hold my dream together saying, “Together, we'll get through” You got my back, I got yours, Time to make you come true.⁠⁠⁠⁠

Dear Heaven, The sky is clear, But a fog of sadness lingers here today. The clouds are light, But hearts are heavy here today. The sun is shining, But a dark shadow hover’s here today. The waves seem calm, But hopes are sinking in silence here today. The wind is quiet, But there is a storm of sorrow here today. Dear Heaven, The room is empty, But the home is full of memories here today. The eyes are searching, But just an empty shaken world here today. The ears miss the voice, But only goodbyes echoing in the walls here today. We lost a soul, again, You gained another treasured star up there today. I will not cry, My words will be silent tears today.

Days are waiting, For time to come through. While I lay here, hoping, For a chance to start new. Yet another morning, I hear whispering Words of the sun. Hopeful, I linger, This moment has just begun. In that very instance, A memory I create. Then with a smile, The day and I wait. And even though there rises A feeling strong enough, To pull me through. I revel only in the memory, Feelings like moments, Are fleeting too.

You wonder, You marvel, You enhance your mind. You sense, You feel, You are no longer blind. You exhale, You grow, You ingest the new. You observe, You perceive, You reveal what’s true. You breathe, You shine, You inhale the sight. You live, You sparkle, You become the light.

The night has turned around, Yesterday is never to be found. I sit waiting for tomorrow, But Today comes in without a sound. Had I known time would be gone so fast, I would have tried harder to make it last. And as I keep fighting to get it all back, The Day before is now my past. The wheels of time keep turning, Without a sign or clue. Reality hits again and again, As every day starts new. A not so familiar 'Present', Waits for me each dawn. As the shadows of my past, Fade slowly until they are gone. I keep wishing it would all stay, Come back to me as I want and please. But this composition of life, Isn’t made to live with ease. The Future moves further away, With every step I take. Stubborn as it is, with the passing hours, It won’t let my Present stay. Try as I might with every word I write, I lose a little bit of today. The nights keep turning around, And I keep walking back, looking for yesterday.

I sit here looking, It’s the big bad world outside. Behind these doors and windows, I stay safe with pride. The wind huffs and puffs, The world is a wolf I say, It keeps trying to get inside, I am prepared, there is no way. It tries to lure me out, With sneaky sunshine I spy. I know better than to give in, That’s what it does, it can try. I wonder why I fear, This world that leers in plain sight. While invisible voices in my head, Scare me awake every night.

I see you over there, Making no sound. I’ve been lost too, It is tough, Not being found. You stay quiet, But I still hear you. This silence is not tame. I can help you, If you let me, Uncertainty, Certainly, feels the same. Lost, we are many, You are not alone. Give me your hand, Together, we will find home.

How we grow, How much we grow, What we go through, What we learn in the process, Who is with us on our journey, These are all as unique as each of us, And make each of our journeys unique. While we would like to know and believe, That we will always have someone With us in this process, Some journeys are Just meant to be Done alone. Trust the process, Trust your instincts, And even more importantly, Trust your feet to carry you through, They carry more than just your weight. I cannot tell you that treading the path alone is easy, but I can say That you do carry way more than you give yourself credit for. Trust yourself. You got this!

Time to start fresh, New bed, new sheets. A new favorite song, Playing on repeat. You sleep on the left now, And it sure feels right. Little less on the mind, A lot more in sight. You take a little walk, It is a brighter day. Sigh out the winter, Breathe easier this way. Charge into reality, Yesterday was another season. A new day beckons, You are enough reason.

                                                                   Follow along, down this pathway. Cobbled, it will lead you in. Welcome! You see this little home - Mine. Built on hopes, colored with dreams. Walk past the garden, flowers blooming. Testament, to the buried wishes, and many a fallen star. Come on in, through the door. You will get a whiff of life, that once was, and the one right now. Cackles of laughter, still echoing. But can you hear the silent tears too? This home stands heavy, a lot it has lived, a lot it has to tell. Stories and secrets, let me start from the end. Hold my hand, I am letting you in. Slowly, into my mind, into my heart. Listen closely, we are here. This is home.

A storm of memories, Surging in the mind. A wave of emotions, Rising and breaking, Crashing, against the test of time. Restless and petrified, Winds of fear roaring, In the dark of the night. This wild ocean, my heart, It brings you in waves. Waves, dark and heavy, that drag me in, each time. Riptides, that I have now, learnt to survive. I stay afloat, breathing, drifting through those memories of you, Forever lost, in these shores of me.

Far away from the mountains, Stood a city, so very still. For it was filled with empty souls, Emptiness, they just couldn't fill. This city, so vast and lit up, Lights brighter than the sun. It couldn’t rid the darkness, To the stars they all wanted to run. The city did hum melodies, Music, soft and sweet. Souls still losing their voices, To the mountains they wanted to retreat. The same ones they had once left, Looking to complete life, and more. Only to return - numb and drained, And shallower than before. Why did they go on searches for, parts that were never lost? Losing their precious selves on the way, Was it really worth the cost? It was then that they realized, They had already had it all. All the thoughts that took them deep, Beauty that stirred their soul. Those tiny little bits of their being, Were pieces big enough to make them whole.

From that first stolen look, To that last meaningful kiss. We are strangers again, There is no denying this. From the castles we built in the air, To dreams we dared to together dream. We are strangers again, With nothing to redeem. Our paths were meant to cross, Though our time together, short lived. We are strangers again, Goodbyes we have bid. Going away our ways, With a keepsake memory. We are strangers again, Now with a common history. From loud confessions of affection, To silent reminiscence, so surreal. We are strangers again, This time, it is real.

Trapped in those four walls, No window, no shine. It has been long, Since someone called you ‘mine’. Creases on the bed, Both sides - all yours. A feeling of release, Like winning internal wars. What is your story? They keep prying, you can tell. Slowly warming up, To the confines of your shell. That winter chill you once felt, Now replaced by a sunny blue. Flowers blooming again, Perhaps it’s a clue. In between these lines, They see parts of you for a reason. Finally breaking down those walls, You are becoming a new season.

All I am Is words Lost in translation Looking for meaning Devoid of definition Put me together Make a story A tragedy one day Perhaps the next day A poem I’ll flow like a river I’ll bleed like the ocean Some days I’ll be the sand That follows Your footprints Cut me open On another And you'll see The darkness inside Play a little longer Perhaps the light Will shine through And there You will find me In the words Devoid of definition Looking for meaning Lost in translation That’s all I am.

Perhaps in another world, It will be my hand that you hold. Right now, fragile and timid - my heart, In the next life, it promises to be bold. So many such daydreams, I wake up to everyday. When I see you, standing there, My courage, loses its way. The feet follow your footsteps, The mind, not far behind. Maybe my wish will come true, Universe - please be kind. You do know me, I am no stranger. Yet this distance is more than true. If only you could see inside, This heart beats, only for YOU .

I have been cleaning out, those dusty corners of my mind. The ones, I steered away from, when that life, I left behind. Debris, on the floor, Of fallen hopes, and dreams. Tucked away, under the carpet, Silent, Hidden, Memories. I dig through some more, There is treasure, in this rubble of time. Beloved moments, hanging here and there, like dew drops, Beautiful, Sublime. This journey into the past, has been bittersweet. Letting go is tedious, but my mind can finally breathe. There are still broken pieces, That make up my beating heart, This step back in time, A lesson. A reminder. Every end, is always a new start.

Nostalgia laden as I wander through passages of you and me I chance upon these wondrous intricate bits Like footprints on the sands of time Pieces of you my memories always manage to find That sliver of heart you showed me while we danced Or that remnant of soul I found hidden in your favorite song Those little glimpses of dreams I saw in your eyes Or the depth of your mind that I could never have enough And as I amble a little more It is that evening and there we are hands intertwined our first sunset Peaceful Sharing Silences Wandering through passages You and me Nostalgic.

Desires, For the unreachable. Feelings, Unsaid, unrecognized. Views, Of the not so obvious. Thoughts, On taming the chaos. Messages, To the ones not around. Dreams, For a future chance. Decisions, Of life, on life, on hold. Words, Pouring out the inside. One poem at a time. This is me, Trying to reach you.

Sun-kissed dreams, Glazed by the light. Like daffodils, Happy and bright. Sunny smiles, Hold your hand, when you are blue. Take you away from the sorrow, To return home new. Sprinkle of laughter, A dash of spring, Change in the weather, But happiness, it does always bring. A spirit full of joy, Rekindled hope. The spark still burns, A will strengthened to cope. What was once a void, Brims with life anew. A pain felt by many, Lived only by a few. You still shine, still sparkle, Our hearts wonder how. Sunshine all around, Within us, you are now. PS: Dear sis, your light lives on and hoping to keep it going through these words.

The thing about sadness, grief, pain Is that even in your moment of brokenness, it gives you ways to become whole. As you evaluate your life, vastly different from the way you imagined it to be. That broken ankle begins to follow the beat, Your shaken knees begin to recognize the rhythm. A new rhythm, That makes you move instead of cringe with pain, your waist starts to twist and twirl, in a way you don’t recognize. Your hands and shoulder follow suit, As they rise up with a little shimmy of their own And your cracked lips break into a smile, as you recognize the bits and pieces, they left you as memories. Memories, That not only seal, But also heal the scars and marks the void left on your body, and finally you feel that bob in your head. That is when you know your heart is still whole. PS: Sis ~ As I continue to gather pieces of that the heart refuses to beat without, all those pieces that will always belong to you. Thank you

All rise with the sun, All fade into the night. All the lives that matter, Who gave you the right to decide? This path that we walk on, Is open to all, That is our right. When did we lose our freedom? When did we lose our sight? This simple act of living, Blurred by colors, With no voice. A life is gone, Once again. Taken, By their choice. Another unfortunate moment, When the grim truth is told. While we search and search for answers, The lost ones, we can never hold. Time has passed, time and again, With a story – unacceptable. Another truth, Yet another reminder, No life is dispensable.

It comes in waves, This tsunami of emotions. An anxious eruption. Triggering my answers, Damaging my questions, Disturbing my peace, Hurting my existence. It stays for a while, This urge to give up, This will to go on, This yearning to be needed, This desire to belong, Wave after wave, A tempest inside. I breathe, outside. Free as a bird, Silent as the ocean, Calm as the night. Merging, Evolving, Becoming. Here I am.

Unwind, That ray of light. Let it fall, Straight, To the ground. Past the clouds, Through the trees, To those pieces, You scattered, On your way out. Let the warmth Pull it back together. A magic, One of its kind. I feel it beat, The heart, Left lifeless, in the rain. You left me broken, For the moon. For the sun, I rise again.

She refused to carry the weight, Of their expectation. You could see it in her eyes, She thrived, Owed no one any explanation. Her smiles were fearless, Uncaged, Like the birds in the free sky. Rebellious wings, Her own rules, She was always flying high. Wildly outspoken, They loved her heart. That had nothing to hide. Untamed, Unfettered, Her life, She lived with a spirited pride. Her strength, Came from within, She left a mark on their mind. Unapologetic, fiercely real. She was, and still is, The one and only, of her kind. ~ Dedicated to my little sister. My one and only. My one of a kind ~

They came to collect All those remnants Of you, The only ones I own now. All those pieces of you, The ones that Are a part of me now. Perhaps, they can bury me too, when they return you to the earth. Without you, I am already dead inside.

Happily ever after, You and me, would be, they had said. A hand to hold, Steps, side by side, Partners for the road ahead. I had your back, And you had mine. Our story - a fantasy, Less magical, More reality, Perhaps that was a sign. I didn’t notice, As our dreams took flight. You wandered a different path, And though I stayed behind, Something felt innately right. They didn’t tell us, Real forever’s come with only so much rhyme. Certainty becomes distant, Love, a fragment of the mind. Ours was no fairy tale, They begin with 'Once upon a time'.

There is a lull at the moment. A silence, Like one I’ve never felt before. This silence talks, It tells me her stories. This silence travels, It takes me back in time, All those times with her. This silence screams, It screams with me. As I vent my pain away, As I relive my memories with her, This silence isn’t silent at all. I wonder why it appears so quiet, When it brings out the storm in me.